Restless...

hmmm...another post in just a few days...i'm bored and getting restless (never a good combination with me)

these are just some random thoughts since I have nothing better to do (and no I'm not manic...)

So my 17 year old sister has been asked to the prom and the guy is willing to pay for her ticket even if she doesn't go with him. Too bad he's a somalian fob.

Why do some people have to put others down or act malicious in order to make themselves feel better? Do they even realize they are doing it?

My sister is now giving me man advice and vice versa...hers, strangely enough, is better than the stuff I tell her

I got $1200 from the gov't I wasn't expecting...now I don't feel guilty about the vacation I'm hoping to take in April (it'll be a yay almost done 1st year residency plus b-day present to myself)

I wonder what it would be a like to be a dumb, ditzy chick...oblivious to the world and to anything not related to me...

I need a little excitement in my life...not sure what to do with myself. I go stir crazy very easily these days...any suggestions? If the weather was nice, I'd go jump out of a plane or something...

Faith

The definition of faith in the dictionary is: (this if of course paraphrased)
"belief", "trust", "confidence"...however there is also an implicit transpersonal relationship with God or another higher power implied in the word faith. Faith is something that cannot be rationally proven or objectively known. It can also be defined as accepting something as true at face value.

It's amazing how humans, despite having the ability to think, reason, analyze, have logic, etc. still continue to have blind faith in things. Whether it is in a God, or in karma/fate, in people, in an inanimate object, most people have faith in something. Sometimes the only thing they have faith in is themselves. And yet, through our most darkest and difficult times, it is our faith that gets us through it...when nothing else makes sense, when things are not as they should be, when we cannot understand the "why" behind who/what/when/etc., most of us cling to our faith. And perhaps one of the worst feelings in the world is when our faith is shaken or dare I say, even shattered. B/c then what do you hold onto and what do you fall back on? Faith in whatever allows us to have that blind trust that psychologically provides us with answers when nothing/noone else does. And even if it doesn't provide us with answers, it provides us with mental relief...something to hang your hat on when nothing else makes sense. It amazes me that for some people, their faith is so strong that no matter what happens they hang on. Almost like a piece of wood floating in the water that the drowning man hangs onto.

I can't remember the number of times my faith in various things has been shaken...shaken to the point that I even questioned myself for having faith in anything. Now, I refuse to let my inherent blind trust in certain things go...and it's just out of shear stubborness. I refuse to let the world/people/events etc. shake my belief system. Maybe it is my pathetic attempt to let go of some of the things that cause me mental anguish...perhaps, but at least I have something to hang MY hat on. And if it allows me to make some sense of this confusing world, so be it.

Sexies of the Century

So I named my friends and I the "catches of the century" and as a collective group we've decided to call ourselves the "Sexies of the Century". We figured why the hell not...we are smart, beautiful, intelligent, confident, women who are just a blast to hang out with. Besides, with the whole world questioning our sanity b/c we are still single, we figured it was time to fight back in a way that would rattle the masses...instead of feeling bad (as we are "supposed" to), we are gonna feel good...in fact, we are gonna feel great and not apologize for it. On top of that, we will let them know that we feel great.

I swear, I'm gonna give some aunty a heart attack one day by my comments. I'm just itching to use this one :P

Reunion

Last night I went out with a bunch of people I grew up. We all lived in the same building, went to the same schools, spent time at each other's houses, in the hallways etc. After high school (well for some during high school), we all started going our separate ways. Some of us kept in touch with each other but never as a whole group. We sporadically have seen each other through out the years. Some are now married, some are engaged, some are single. Some are parents, some are working, some are still in school. Some live on their own, some live at home.

I must say, it was a very interesting experience b/c I remember who we all were, and now I saw who we had all become. The quiet ones were still quiet, the chatty ones were still chatty. Some still looked up to others, some were still intimidated by others. Our roles in high school still prevailed as adults. Despite having grown up together, we had all taken such different courses in our lives and our worlds are so very different. While these differences were not as pronounced when we were younger, they certainly have become more magnified as we have gotten older. Perhaps it's because we are more set in our ways and less willing to hid our opinions and attitudes. Perhaps it's just as we grow older, we become more comfortable with who we are and are willing to show more of ourselves. Or perhaps we become worse at hiding who we are. If I were to meet some of the people present today, I would have very little in common in them and would probably never get to know them. Since we share a common bond, ie our childhoods, it is inevitable that whenever we meet, we will reminisce and talk as if we are great friends.

As we grew older, we all found our various paths in life. Last night, I was once again amazed at how people who become more "religious" and "see the light" as they get older, they also become more judgmental and paternalistic. These are the same people who not too long ago, were doing things that they are now judging. It's fine if you feel you've seen the light but it is not anybody's place to tell another adult what they are doing is wrong and on top of that be judgemental and say "well you should know better, you should be doing this". How quickly we forget our own past. I'm sure the judging of others is a lot easier than having to face what you yourself have done. They feel that since they have found their path in life, everyone else has to follow the same path. Not only that, everyone else also has to sit and endure your lecturing. Nobody is right all the time. Everyone has opinions based on their own past experiences, upbrining and personalities. Everyone is entitled to hold their own opinions whether others agree with them or not. While it is ok to share your opinions, even be passionate and strong about them, it is not ok to dismiss other people's opinions as trivial or wrong just because they don't match yours or because they are coming from someone who has taken a different approach to life than you.

Some of the friends who I grew up with, will be a part of my life for a very long time. Others I must admit will remain acquaintances. I must say, all in all it was a night I won't forget b/c I was outside my own world and my own box and was forced to confront things within myself that I hadn't confronted in a while.

Disturbances

"The basic sources of happiness are a good heart, compassion, and love. If we have these mental attitudes, even if we are surrounded by hostility, we feel little disturbance. On the other hand, if we lack compassion and our mental state is filled with anger or hatred we will not have peace." Dalai Lama

Perhaps a little simplistic for beings like me who are not as enlightened and spiritually at peace as the Dalai Lama, however I can attest to the fact that our own attitudes certainly impact how disturbed we are by the hostility in our lives. Interestingly, in some ways it summarizes my life over the past few years in two short sentences.

The past year...briefly

So it's finally 2006. Next year, will be my 10th high school reunion...although I should feel old, (and people tell me I should as well) I don't. I feel like my life has just begun. :)

I don't make new year's resolutions...I find them pointless. You can't just one day decide to make huge changes in your life...it's a process that you go through. At times you move forward, at times you have setbacks. The idea is to keep trying to move ahead.

Since moving back to TO (well Hamilton, but the amount of time I spend in TO, I might as well live there), many wellwishers have felt the need to give me words of wisdom over the last few months. I'll share some and put my own comments to them.

1) "good things come to those who are patient and wait" perhaps for some people but certainly in my case and the case of my friends, we had to work damn hard for those good things

2) "I know this good boy. I just met him 2 days ago at the gas station. He's very polite, has a good degree from country X and works as a security guard right now. Good family, although I haven't met them yet. He'll be perfect for you" ...enough said

3) "There are no normal people in the world. No such thing. You have to find someone (ie a man) abnormal and fix them" If I wanted to do that, I would have gone into psychiatry...and I don't believe in changing people. Is she saying, that I'm abnormal too??

4) While shopping for an eid suit for my sister, my sister told the store owner, she doesn't wear sleeveless. The store owner said "Good for you. All these young girls wearing sleeveless clothes. No shame. They are all going to hell." Then WHY are YOU selling these clothes if they are the creation of the devil! I tell you, they don't even see the hypocracy when it slaps them in the face.

5) The look on an uncle's face when he saw me after 3 years and realized I'd chopped my hair off and dyed it purple...priceless. He proceeded to tell me I've gone nuts (did he just realize that now) :P

6) "Doctor's can't cook/paint/dance/socialize/ie have a life outside of work" Of course I cook (and I've been told I'm not half bad), I paint, I dance even though I can't dance, I socialize. If anything, I have more of a life than most non-docs that I know. I'm amazed at how surprised people are when they find out that my life is not all about being a doctor...do they think I live at the hospital or something?

7) "oh beta, you don't live on ur own. U just stay in Hamilton b/c of work. You still "live" with your parents" The lengths some people go to to deny themselves the fact that single, muslim, pakistani girls do live on their own and like it...AND have their own life that is not tied in completely with their parents!

8) "I know this ayurvedic doctor. He has ONE medication for EVERY ailment. It all depends on how you take it. For some things you have to mix it in a tea and drink for other things you have to inhale the fumes of the tea. What do you think is in it?" (this is courtesy of a friend of mine)

9) let's not forget all the ailments every aunty adn uncle come up to me with and ask me to fix.

As I think of more, I'll keep adding to this post.