With Intelligence Comes Melancholy

Had a very interesting conversation last night about something I've thought about a lot in the past but hadn't thought about in the last while. I'm sure I've shared this with some of my friends (but can't remember who).

I always say "ignorance is bliss". And I truly believe that. Lack of awareness allows for peace of mind. I've said many times at work that I'd prefer to die earlier than to become very old and demented. However, I look at my pleasantly demented patients and wonder what it must really be like to be that unaware of things. The same can be said for those people who are not that intelligent. Their lack of comprehension of things can be a blessing in disguise. They live their life in a much more simplistic way. Their needs and wants are more instinctual. This is not to say their life is not difficult...of course it can be. But I find with intelligence, comes the need for some to analyze & reflect on things. In many ways, intelligence is a gift that is to be cherished. It allows you to experience life in a way that others can't. It enlightens and enriches you. But at the same time, these same qualities allow you to come to certain realizations, many of which are not pleasant. You see things in the world for what it truly is. You know that things are usually not what they seem. The significance of certain actions/events/decisions etc are much clearer. With this insight comes a sense of sadness and depression. There is also frustration because often we (or anyone for that matter) cannot do anything to change things. They say many geniuses in the world had/have "mental illnesses" such as depression or bipolar disorder. (not to say others don't get these illnesses) Wonder how much their intelligence/insight/reflections contribute to their mood disorders?

If I could have one wish, it would be to live as a "dumb blond" (as they are stereotyped in the media) for a week or two to see what it really feels like.

A Fond Kiss

I never write about movies or endorse movies publically but I saw this movie over the weekend that I really liked quite a bit.

Movie is called "A Fond Kiss". I think it's a Scottish movie. About a Pakistani-Scottish boy and his family (who settled there over 35 years ago). It's about how he falls in love with a white, Catholic girl, his sense of family duty and responsibility, his family's expectations of him, his sisters' stories (more briefly shown than his), etc. It also looks at the Catholic girl's side of the story, her hurdles, desires, & perspective.

Now some of you may be thinking, oh here is another one of those first generation children's stories. In many ways it is. But it was done in such a beautiful way. It's so real...not sappy or over the top. While there are stereotypes used, this is perhaps the first movie that shows "both" sides of the story...looking at it from the eastern perspective as well as the western perspective. The dialogue is thought provoking. All of us can identify with the many, if not all of the scenes. It does not have a "happy happy joy joy" ending. We see the impact of one person's actions on those around him/her.

All in all, one of those movies which realistically (although stereotypically) touches on many of the issues faced by immigrant families and their children who have grown up in the west. While I liked the satirical nature of East is East (dig back in your memories a few years back), this movie was more "down to earth" and simply presented the story with very real characters. Definitely a movie I'd recommend, especially to those of us who are first generation whatevers.

Thank you Sim for renting it!

Pride

(This is simply an effort to get my thoughts down about stuff I've seen over my young life...it is rambly and probably makes little sense)

Pride is one of those things that most people have (if not all). Some have much more of it than others. For some people it feeds into their own sense of importance and arrogance to such an extent that it has a huge impact (mostly negative) on their lives. Perhaps it is a way of dealing with their own deep seeded insecurities. In part it can be a learned behavior. More often than not, when it is at an extreme it is extremely self destructive. Many such people go through most if not all of their lives living in self denial that this elevated sense of pride hurts not only themselves, but those that are around them. Or maybe they just don't care what impact has on others. Or they do care but cannot stop themselves.

Have you ever seen a person who had such a magnified sense of pride go through something terrible in their life? They often fall apart when life throws its challenges at them. While most people feel depressed/jaded/cynical etc. when things are not going well, the people who had the most "ana" or pride are the ones that are the most crushed. They do not know what to do with themselves. They do not know how to deal with the so called curve balls that life throws at them. Their desparation shows...that desparate need to be liked, to be valued, to be the center of attention, to feel important. They do not have a secure sense of self and hence cannot draw on their own inner qualities to do that. They need outside confirmation of their self worth, even if it is fake or exagerated. As such, every little gesture that someone makes towards them is blown out of proportion. Something small said in passing is seen as a huge insult. Something done just out of politeness is seen as a measure of the grand amount of respect that person has for the "prideful" one. They hang onto every word/gesture/action directed towards them (and sometimes even those that are not directed towards them). They whimper inside to get some attention, any sort of attention. Nothing is without meaning. Everything is about them. Most people back away from such people, especially when they are going through hard times. Understandably so. Being around them is difficult, trying, furstrating. They can be downright rude and hurtful. It's very hard to remember that it's never about you, but always about them. Every reaction, every action, every thought, is all about them. But if you look very carefully, you feel sympathy and at times, empathy towards them. For grown, and often intelligent people to fall apart like that is just simply sad.

Many of these people have some great qualities that are overshadowed by their false sense of pride. It is human nature it seems to focus on the negative (for most people anyways). Something is to be said of humility. It keeps you down to earth and grounded. When life throws it's curve balls, you are much better equiped to handle it. Despite questioning yourself, at the end of the day you measure your self worth by digging deep down within yourself and seeing what you truly have to offer. You do not need random people, who at the end of the day are not that important in your life, to elevate how you feel about yourself. But I've found that with people who have excess pride (for those in the medical system, a trend towards delusions of grandeur that patients with psychosis sometimes demonstrate), they simply cannot do that and need to present a farce to the world. And sadly, they often have to present a farce to those closest to them. All it serves to do is destroy every relationship in their lives. They cannot be honest with themselves, much less anyone else. Communication, honest, sincere, heart felt communication is impossible. As such, no matter who is there for them in whatever capacity, they feel utterly alone and misunderstood.

In the Spirit of Valentine's Day

Just some tidbits and interesting things I thought I'd post. This is all heresay obviously as my love life is non-existent :)

1) Aphrodisiacs:
a) MASTIC TREE: An evergreen with red or black berries. The ancient Arabic love manual The Perfumed Garden advises readers to "take fruit of the mastic tree (derou), pound them and macerate them with oil and honey; then drink of the liquid first thing in the morning: you will thus become vigorous for the coitus, and there will be abundance of sperm produced."
b) NUTMEG: In India, mixed with honey and a half-boiled egg, then taken one hour before lovemaking. (Them Indians...it must work...they have like a billion people in the country!)
c) SPANISH FLY: Made from the dried-out bodies of beetles; works by "stimulating" the urinary track; can be dangerous.

2) Dating:
a) there is now a dating website for every imaginable subgroup...be it based on sexual desires, religion, culture, first generation cultures, etc. etc. Even people who say they are not on a website, are on a website...they are lying if they say they are not. Some are for people looking to get married, others are for "friendship" (now on a south asian website that's code for one of two things: I'm so horny I needed a wife yesterday OR I need a girlfriend/boyfriend but am too chicken to actually say that b/c it's taboo). There is even a website for women looking to date men who will be their sugar daddies (I'm not kidding). Rich men (I think you need to make at least a million bucks a year) post their profiles up and women pay the website for registration so they can contact them.
b) people play games, even if they say they don't anymore, no matter what the age. Men and women really are from different planets. We really don't know what the other is thinking and we will never know. I wonder how it works for the transgendered...does their being members of both sexes at different parts of their lives give them more insight? Hmmm...

3) Love
a) If you google the word love, 546,000,000 entries come up. The first is a "love calculator" designed to calculate the chance that two people will be successful. You also get "ilovepasta.org" and "ilovecheese.com".
b) You really can love someone but not be "in love" with them.
c) When many women are in love, they turn off that part of the brain where their logic resides.
d) Not sure I believe that there is one true love for every person. I think a lot of it is timing, state of mind and opportunity. But then again, what do I know...I could be completely wrong.

4) Sex, etc.
a) my sister sometimes reads this blog so you'll just have to hear my comments about this in person :)

Flashes of "Sadiya"

So I googled my name in google images and here are some of the images that came up.

There is a place called Sadiya somewhere on this map (in India I think). I didn't know that there was a place called Sadiya.



A movie poster from a movie with my namesake in it.




Picture taken on my road trip that my friend uploaded onto some website somewhere.


Hmmm...maybe in another lifetime you'll see me do this...(although if you can keep a secret, a friend of mine and I are considering taking belly dancing lessons...)

Modern Day Bollywood

So after quite a while I finally watched another bollywood movie (or should I say "filum")...2.5 hours of my life gone...but I came away with some interesting observations.

1) A sure fire way to impress a girl is to wear a grey suit with a purple shirt...and the purple shirt matches the color of the table cloth in the restaurant exactly. In fact, it was probably made of the same fabric...

2) Only in an Indian movie, not only are there girls in skimpy clothes getting wet in the rain in the "hero's" wet dream, but there are also a bunch of guyz in skimpy clothes getting wet in the rain...no further comment needed.

3) When you see waves hitting a cliff...it represents an orgasm

4) Didn't realize the indian masses find cleavage on a the "hero" (yes hero, not heroine) sexy... the chest shave job was such that the cleavage was enhanced. So what do you say ladies...maybe we need to grow some chest hair in strategic locations so that we can enhance our own cleavage.

5) How do you know the guy just came back from a very vigorous work out session? Well, the sweat stains on his wife beater tank top of course (the oh so sexy wife beater tank top)...sweat under the arms, in the middle of the chest (sorry ladies no man cleavage this time) and the back of course. Mind you, the reason you know it was a very vigorous work out is that half a day later the sweat stains are still there. This isafter the guy has left the gym...gone to the girls house without showering b/c all girls love a smelly guy of course...picked her up...taken her to school...sat in classes...then met up with her again for lunch.

And these are observations made from a movie that didn't want to make me kill myself...and that's only because they show the hero marry a girl who gets raped and is pregnant (mind you it's too dangerous for her to have an abortion because it'll damage her uterus but she can carry the baby to term, cause her uterus to stretch and grow by a bazillion times and not be in danger). And the date of the wedding is set when she would be 7 months pregnant...India becoming modern and accepting of things that it previously wasn't. Mind you she gives birth prematurely of course so that she doesn't have a honking huge stomach on her wedding day. I'll take the baby steps forward...better than the giant leaps backwards.