Finding happiness
I heard something today on TV (after having been so busy for so long, it's nice to just sit around and vegetate). Although it was on a show that is extremely sappy and all about a super christian, super tolerant family (nothing can go wrong), I actually connected with what was said.
I'm paraphrasing here (obviously I do not have the foresight to write these things down) but a husband tells his wife that the reason he fell in love with her is because she did not need him to complete her or to find happiness. She found her happiness within herself and did not depend on anybody else to find it for her. Good and bad, she accepted herself. Any changes she made were because she wanted to, not because she felt it was going to impress someone or it was what her parents wanted or because it was what society accepted. (And then the show becomes even more sappy when he says "I love that even though I have enough money to support us and our future child, you want to work because you want to make a difference in the world...I'm going to choose to ignore this remark. Although said nicely, kind of patronizing).
Just thinking about this further I thought to myself that what he said is quite profound. Often people have everything going for them, at least to the outside world, yet are unhappy. If we dig deep, it's often because they do not have a significant other, they have not achieved this accomplishment yet, they do not have a particular big ticket item they seek, etc. How many of us are happy simply because we are who we are, we have made strides in this world to better ourselves, we do not hurt others and generally speaking we are good people. We spend so much of our lives "unhappy" or "uncontent" because we are still waiting for something or other to happen. If we sit down and think about it, we have a whole lot going on in our lives and we have accomplished so much but do not give ourselves credit for. Is happiness always tied to some grand event or simply the little things in life like spending an hour with your friend over coffee, reading a good book, having an intelligent/funny thought, giving $1 to a homeless person, etc. etc. If I think back to all of the grand events in my life (well the few that there are), those "happy" moments were shortlived...often colored by other things going on in my life. I felt just as happy for short moments as I have when my friends gave me a surprise party or when my friend came over for lunch/to study, or watching a good movie or simply relaxing and doing nothing. Even with these supposedly simpler moments of life, the moment of happiness was short lived. Then is anybody ever happy for long, extended periods of time or is being happy/content simply a culmination of the little moments in life. Also, if they are not tied to any external person/situation/force, then would it not be easier to be happy? In other words, if one has the ability to find happiness within themselves then no matter how hard life can be, they will see the positive lining and enjoy life to the fullest, as best as possible given their own set of circumstances.
I have learned in my own life that relying on others will not get me anywhere. As much as people want to help, often their own circumstances prevent them from doing so. If I do not rely on others to push myself forward and change the circumstances of my own life, then can I do the same when looking for contentment in my life? How hard is it to let go of the notion that only if such and such happens only then will I truly be happy? Society often links our own happiness/contentment to various life events and assumes if someone has yet to achieve those things that they are missing out. Is that really true? Can it not be said that people can be content without having reached certain milestons and when they do, it is just an added bonus?
I have always lived my life the way I wanted to, without giving into what society expects of me while at the same time making sure it was the best thing for me and my family. Of late, I seem to have fallen off that band wagon and today, after a long time, feel like getting back on. I can and will learn to find happiness within myself. I feel if I can do that, then I have a whole lot more to offer to the world and those around me.
What do you think? Too ambitious of a plan? Maybe, but I never back down from a challenge.
I'm paraphrasing here (obviously I do not have the foresight to write these things down) but a husband tells his wife that the reason he fell in love with her is because she did not need him to complete her or to find happiness. She found her happiness within herself and did not depend on anybody else to find it for her. Good and bad, she accepted herself. Any changes she made were because she wanted to, not because she felt it was going to impress someone or it was what her parents wanted or because it was what society accepted. (And then the show becomes even more sappy when he says "I love that even though I have enough money to support us and our future child, you want to work because you want to make a difference in the world...I'm going to choose to ignore this remark. Although said nicely, kind of patronizing).
Just thinking about this further I thought to myself that what he said is quite profound. Often people have everything going for them, at least to the outside world, yet are unhappy. If we dig deep, it's often because they do not have a significant other, they have not achieved this accomplishment yet, they do not have a particular big ticket item they seek, etc. How many of us are happy simply because we are who we are, we have made strides in this world to better ourselves, we do not hurt others and generally speaking we are good people. We spend so much of our lives "unhappy" or "uncontent" because we are still waiting for something or other to happen. If we sit down and think about it, we have a whole lot going on in our lives and we have accomplished so much but do not give ourselves credit for. Is happiness always tied to some grand event or simply the little things in life like spending an hour with your friend over coffee, reading a good book, having an intelligent/funny thought, giving $1 to a homeless person, etc. etc. If I think back to all of the grand events in my life (well the few that there are), those "happy" moments were shortlived...often colored by other things going on in my life. I felt just as happy for short moments as I have when my friends gave me a surprise party or when my friend came over for lunch/to study, or watching a good movie or simply relaxing and doing nothing. Even with these supposedly simpler moments of life, the moment of happiness was short lived. Then is anybody ever happy for long, extended periods of time or is being happy/content simply a culmination of the little moments in life. Also, if they are not tied to any external person/situation/force, then would it not be easier to be happy? In other words, if one has the ability to find happiness within themselves then no matter how hard life can be, they will see the positive lining and enjoy life to the fullest, as best as possible given their own set of circumstances.
I have learned in my own life that relying on others will not get me anywhere. As much as people want to help, often their own circumstances prevent them from doing so. If I do not rely on others to push myself forward and change the circumstances of my own life, then can I do the same when looking for contentment in my life? How hard is it to let go of the notion that only if such and such happens only then will I truly be happy? Society often links our own happiness/contentment to various life events and assumes if someone has yet to achieve those things that they are missing out. Is that really true? Can it not be said that people can be content without having reached certain milestons and when they do, it is just an added bonus?
I have always lived my life the way I wanted to, without giving into what society expects of me while at the same time making sure it was the best thing for me and my family. Of late, I seem to have fallen off that band wagon and today, after a long time, feel like getting back on. I can and will learn to find happiness within myself. I feel if I can do that, then I have a whole lot more to offer to the world and those around me.
What do you think? Too ambitious of a plan? Maybe, but I never back down from a challenge.
posted by Anokhi at
6:25 PM
1 Comments:
it's eerie - i was just thinking about how when sad things happen, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and when happy things happen, there are other "sadder" things that are going on which make you either expecting an axe to fall or the happy moments shorlived. Bah humbug! but i'm glad you want to get back on the bandwagon! :)
By
F.S.Kabir, at 12:20 AM
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