Restless minds

About 2 weeks ago I met someone whom I'd been talking to on the phone for a couple of weeks...I would say almost every other day...long easy conversations which would last more than 2-3 hours...we finally decided to meet. Oh boy...it's SO painful to spend 3 hours with someone when right off the bat you know you are not interested. I would have expected from someone who could talk to me with such ease on the phone that once the awkwardness of meeting was done, he'd relax and be able to talk to me...but not the case. Having a conversation with him was like pulling my teeth out.

Today I finally had a chance to call him back and I asked him what he thought. Low and behold he thought the meeting went fine...I was interesting with a big personality. He liked that I went out of my way (or so he thought) to show him around K Town...blah blah...man guyz are dense. I asked him if he thought we had a connection and he said that he doesn't decide that on the first meeting.

I went onto tell him that I can normally tell pretty quickly if someone has the potential for something to proceed besides a friendship. I am very comfortable talking to most people but I need to find something in somebody that I would like to explore so that I can say yeah there is something to go on. Unfortunately I didn't have the balls to outright say I am not interested in you and after talking to my friend am under the impression that the idiot thinks I thought the meeting went positively. ARGH Next time I talk to him I will just have to say it: This is not going to go anywhere. Good luck in life. (my married friend told me guyz are VERY dumb and retarded and need things simply spelled out...no beating around the bush)

At the end of the conversation and analyzing it with my friends (I've been pretty good about that as of late but had to analyze this one) I got to thinking. As much as I'd like to say I have an open mind when I meet people, I do have a mental check list. And if someone doesn't fulfill most of the criteria on that check list I immediately put them in the not interested category. But looking at my friends who have met people and are in serious relationships, it usually happened with someone they would not normally have considered twice but for some reason they did and it worked out. So it makes me wonder...am I closing a lot of doors on people because I go through this mental check list and put people into categories right away? Or am I expecting too much from a first meeting? Just because I can get comfortable quickly and settle into being myself, doesn't mean everybody does. For some people it takes time for them to open up. Is a part of me still hanging onto some romantic notion subconsciously that somehow my prince will come riding over to me on a white horse and sweep me off my feet??

Thinking about this guy I met, I can sadly say that most of what I have to say is negative about him but if I really think about it, it's because I am being extremely judgemental. Example:
1) the colored contacts and big ass gold ring: this is after I told him I HATE colored contacts on people
maybe this is just his style. I have my own style that some people may find a bit eccentric or out there...and I don't want people judging me. Maybe this is what he thinks makes him look good...and these things can be changed. The gold ring can "accidently" get thrown in the garbage and the colored contacts just lost.

2) His inability to make conversation or start one: he told me that after the first hour or so he was relaxed and being himself. Then why was it different compared to talking to him on the phone. He barely made eye contact and just came across as very nervous the whole three hours. I'm sorry, but I expect someone who wants to make an impression of me to get over the awkwardness fairly quickly and just be themselves. For me this is a sign of confidence...at the end of the day, everyone judges everyone else and if you have nothing you are ashamed of, then why the nerves? that being said, everyone has insecurities. I guess I've learned to put mine aside for the most part I expect others to do the same.

3) He DIDN'T pay for lunch! Argh...he's a working man and I'm a starving student. I offered to pay and he's like no it's ok...I'm like don't worry about it. And he's like "are you sure" DUDE...what you should have said was something along the lines that "I work you don't" or at least made somewhat of a sincere and insistent effort. I don't mind paying for lunch but what the hell...

4) I would like it if he were more ambitious but I can get over that.

Good things: he's very upfront about his past experiences. Was honest when I asked him what he thought about the meeting. Seems interested in my work.
Close to his sister and family. Seems to be social...but not enough as compared to how he comes across as a package

(see I didn't talk about his height or lack thereof or his big ears...)